For as long as I can remember, fear has been the merciless
master of my life. Fear that wasn’t wanted, fear that I wasn’t good enough, and
fear that nothing would ever get better has plagued me all of my life. I clung
to a victim mentality because I was too scared to take responsibility for my
own life. I let others control me because I was too scared to make my own
decisions. I escaped into a fantasy world of sexual obsession because I was too
scared to face reality and to accept life on life’s terms.
Why was I so scared? I recently heard an acronym for fear as
Forgetting Everything’s All Right. I don’t think there’s one cell of my nervous
system that has ever believed everything is all right or ever could be all
right. No matter where I go or what I do; I still expect nothing but rejection,
humiliation, and abandonment. I’m trying to convince myself that no matter how
bad things may seem, nothing can ever go wrong; it’s all just a part of the
process that is providing me with everything I need to learn and grow and to
become everything I have the potential to be. I reassure myself that everything’s
going to be okay, but I honestly don’t believe it.
In reality, everything already is all right. Regardless how
much my circumstances may change, nothing will ever be any more or any less all
right than it already is. My crippling fears, my inability to believe
everything’s all right, have led my life down a course of debilitating
destruction and horrendous experiences, which only serve to reinforce my
negative beliefs about life.
How can anyone break free from the vicious cycle of circumstances, or the perception of circumstances, validating subconscious beliefs? Is it even possible?
How can anyone break free from the vicious cycle of circumstances, or the perception of circumstances, validating subconscious beliefs? Is it even possible?
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